Taking Responsibility

About four years ago, I got an email from a reporter asking me about my behavior in the past. I took the call, and was honest about my behavior and thoughts at the time. The resulting article caused me to stop and reflect on the kind of person I was being.

Of course, I had my disagreements about the article at the time, mostly attributable to an overblown ego, but it was an indicator of my behavior, and it was something I needed to reckon with. At the urging of my family members, I checked myself into rehab and began the process of self-examination.

What I uncovered (and was seemingly the last to accept), was a pattern of  behavior of disrespect, especially towards women, that I am deeply sorry for. For years now, under the advisement of a therapist, a sponsor, and my family members, I have been making amends for that behavior, and will continue to do so. I work under the counsel of others to figure out where I can make a direct amends, and where it may be better for me to stay out of the lives of those I've harmed, lest I trigger old wounds or take people back to a place they don't want to go.

I'm also making a living amends. First, I'm doing my best to be a better father. As a father, I have a responsibility to help my children grow into responsible, respectful adults. Second, I'm coaching other men who have been in situations like mine to heal and get better, so they can do the same. Third, I'm regularly paying financial restitution to organizations that support the people that I have harmed.

If you have additional ideas for what I can do to make things right, or feel I left something out, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. And if you're a man going through a similar process and just need someone to talk this stuff through, I'm here.

In looking back over the past four years, I can see that my actions caused a lot of harm, especially to the people that loved me and the causes and organizations that I believed in. That article caused me to reflect and stop hurting those around me, and for that I am forever grateful.